10 Things that Matter Most in Parenting

My husband was recently asked for some parenting advice. Here is what he said.

Recently one of my husband’s friends asked on social media for some fathering advice to pass along to a younger cousin who is expecting his first child soon.

My husband’s response pretty tidily sums up our beliefs as parents, how we do things in our family, and what I teach as a parenting coach.

I think one of my strengths as a parenting coach is that I emphasize #1 (see below) with my clients and students. It’s so important to parent in a way that feels good to YOU and to your child. And it’s all in service of #10 - the relationship.

In short, my husband has basically just outlined the Endy Family Parenting Manual, The Family Life Coach Manifesto, and the parenting book I will one day write. It’s all right here:

1. There’s no one way, no right way, except what feels authentic to you.

2. There are most definitely wrong ways, and you probably know them when you see them.

3. The Parenting Advice Industry is just that—an industry. There are useful tools out there, but…see #1.

4. You can’t spoil kids with love and affection, at any age. Let it flow.

5. Kids’ behavior is less important than your behavior. Let them know you have their back, always.

6. When they do the thing that makes you want to kill, love the shit out of them instead.

7. Punishment is just taking your feelings out on someone smaller than you. Help them understand natural consequences. Sometimes the natural consequence is, “now your toy is broken and it’s trash.” Sometimes it’s, “Guess what? When you do that, people get pissed off.”

8. Know that you’ll make mistakes. Accept it. Apologize and do better next time.

9. Let your kids show you who they are, constantly and from the very beginning. We don’t get to choose. Help them do the things and become the people they tell you they want to be.

10. You’re not raising children, you’re raising adults. Create a relationship you want to have with them when they’re grown, starting now.