Surviving the Holidays with Little Kids: Practical Tips for Overwhelmed Parents

The holidays can be a magical time, but they can also be a lot—especially when you're parenting young children. As a mom of three, one of whom is neurodivergent, I know firsthand how challenging holiday gatherings can be. I remember so many Thanksgivings when my kids were little and my oldest would get overstimulated by all the attention and excitement. They’d burrow into me or lock eyes with me and whisper, “Mommmm!” with this quiet desperation. Often, we’d have to retreat to a back room or take a walk outside just to regulate.

At the time, I didn’t know why this was happening—I just knew my child wasn’t okay. Looking back, I wish I’d had the tools to prepare both myself and my family for what was likely to come. Over the years, I’ve learned how to navigate the chaos of holidays with little ones, and today, I want to share some tips to help you do the same.

Here are some common parenting challenges that arise during the holidays or other visits with family:

 Managing Overstimulation and Meltdowns

Young kids often get overwhelmed by the attention from relatives and excitement of holiday gatherings, not to mention the sugar! Too much stimulation can lead to meltdowns that feel embarrassing or unmanageable in the moment.

 Solutions:

1. Make Space for Breaks
   Plan ahead for quiet moments. If you are visiting relatives, as your host where your child can go to decompress, perhaps a spare bedroom or playroom. Bring familiar items like a favorite blanket or stuffed animal to help them feel grounded. Look for opportunities to step outside for a walk. Try to do this preemptively, before you sense the meltdown coming on.
2. Communicate with Family
   Let relatives know in advance that you may need to take breaks or even leave early if your child becomes overwhelmed. Emphasize that it’s not personal—it’s just what your family needs to thrive during the holiday chaos.
3. Adjust Your Expectations
   Go into the gathering with a mindset of Acceptance—acknowledge that meltdowns may happen and that’s okay. The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. When you accept this ahead of time, you’ll feel less pressure and be better equipped to handle challenges with calmness.

Dealing with Family Expectations and Judgment

Unsolicited advice or critiques from family members can feel like a minefield. Whether it’s a comment on your parenting style or your child’s behavior, it can be hard to navigate these moments without snapping.

I’ll never forget once when my in-laws were visiting and my then-two-year-old was having a full-blown tantrum on the floor. My mother-in-law leaned down and said, “Don’t try to reason with her.” Although she was absolutely right, I turned around and snapped, “I don’t need your parenting advice!” As you can imagine, that didn’t go over well and I’m not sure either of us has fully recovered from that moment!

Solutions:

1. Prepare a Calm Response
   Before the gathering, think about the types of comments that might trigger you and plan neutral responses, like:
• “Thanks for your perspective. We’re trying a different approach right now.”
• “I hear you, and we’re figuring out what works for our family.”
  This taps into the CALMER principle of Responding Instead of Reacting, giving you the chance to stay calm and avoid escalating tensions.
2. Set Boundaries with Empathy
   Use the CALMER principle of Empathy to diffuse judgmental comments. For example:
• “I know you care about us, and I appreciate your advice. Here’s what we’ve decided works best for our family right now.”
  By validating their intentions, you can hold your boundary without shutting them down entirely.
3. Reframe the Interaction
   If you find yourself getting defensive, take a deep breath and use the CALMER principle of Mindset to reframe the situation. Remind yourself that most advice comes from a place of love, not judgment. This shift can help you respond with kindness instead of frustration.

Balancing Time with Family and Kids’ Needs

When we become parents, our priorities naturally shift. While we’re focused on our kids’ well-being, our family members—who may have waited all year to see us—still want quality time, too. It can be hard to juggle these competing demands without feeling pulled in every direction.

Solutions:

1. Set Expectations in Advance
   Let family members know what to expect during your visit. For example, “The kids will probably need some quiet time after lunch, but we’d love to spend time with you during dinner.” Setting clear boundaries ahead of time helps manage everyone’s expectations and reduces disappointment.
2. Carve Out One-on-One Time
   Consider hiring a babysitter or enlisting another family member to watch the kids for an hour or two so you can focus on reconnecting with adults. This creates space for meaningful conversations without interruptions and allows you to prioritize both your kids and your extended family.
3. Prioritize Connection with Your Kids
   Even in the busiest moments, make time for short but intentional check-ins with your children. The CALMER principle of Listening can be invaluable here. Ask them how they’re feeling or simply sit with them for a few minutes to reinforce your connection. Sometimes kids become dysregulated during family gatherings because our attention is focused on everyone else and kids feel lost in the shuffle.

The holidays with little kids will never be entirely stress-free—but they can be meaningful and even joyful with the right mindset and strategies. Remember, you’re learning as you go. Every holiday gathering is a chance to practice these skills and grow into the parent you want to be.

 And when the day feels overwhelming, take a moment to breathe, remind yourself of your priorities, and know you’re doing the best you can. Your kids don’t need perfection—they just need you.

You’ve got this, and I’m cheering for you every step of the way!

Note: The concepts highlighted in bold are some of the CALMER Parenting Principles, which I teach in the CALMER Parenting Program. Click here to learn more.